My coming OUT was nothing like I had planned or expected. Oh, some reactions were, and some were worse, but most of the people I told were very supportive. Sincerely supportive. And there is a difference. Trust me. I’m not a good reader of people and was still able to tell when it was just lip service.
I knew my family would be shocked, hurt, betrayed, and disapproving. And they were. My daughter wasn’t surprised, and she supports me – which is most important to me. And I have my brother’s support. But my parents do not approve, which is not a problem; I just wish they would accept it. So, they’re way of dealing with it is that Kim is not allowed at their house. But to me, if Kim is not allowed, then I am not either.
My aunt sent a letter ranting about how sinful this lifestyle is, how much God hates it, and that I was going to hell. My mom has told me that since I had sex for the first time. All she did was remind me how heartless the Christian God is and how much He spreads hate. Something I am not supportive of in any fashion. At first, I felt sorry for her, but then realized it was the first time she had reached out to me ever and decided I didn’t care. I saw two uncles in town, and neither spoke to me. It saddened me to see them filled with hate because of their religion. A religion that has created division among people, wars, hate, and destroyed families. A religion that controls societies and prevents people from advancing forward. If God were an alien, I’d believe He does it to keep a revolt from occurring. But that is a story for another day.
My plan for telling my mom was to just tell her I was rooming with a friend from work, helping her with her son. Let her get used to that and then spill the beans. But, Mom – as Mom’s do – saw right through it. And she asked if it was more than just roommates. Now I had a unique relationship with my mom. She wasn’t allowed to ask me any question where she didn’t want the truth and I would only be honest with her. So, I told her not to ask questions if she didn’t want to know the truth. That gave her the answer she feared.
My sister asked how long I had been like this. If it started in college. I laughed. Everything in my life that has made me the black sheep was thought to come from my college years. Surprise! This would have all happened even if I’d never went to college. Look, the truth is that we are all everchanging. If we stay the same, then we miss the whole point of life. We go through experiences, live, and adjust who we are so we are better than we were. Not because we hate who we are but because we have learned something different. It has taken me over forty years to be honest with myself about who I am and what I really want.
When I decided to change my status on Facebook, I thought the change would update my profile. I never dreamed it would actually post the change to my timeline. So, it was quite a shock when I started receiving congrats. Lots of congrats! From friends and co-workers. And when I talked to people, no one really seemed surprised. I’ve been asked some interesting questions like have I always been interested in girls, were there signs, what changed. But there’s nothing wrong with curiosity and I don’t mind telling my story.
I have loved many, but Kim is the first person I ever fell in love with. And the first time I ever believed that happily ever after existed. And the first time I felt like I’d found my soulmate. Kim is the love of my life and I want to be with her always. And I don’t care if that means I’m Not Straight.
