“Love Your Journey” I have it tattooed on my arm. It’s a reminder to me that life is a journey and we get to chose how we perceive that journey. Of course, learning this lesson after 50 years of living on this planet means I have to remind myself daily and break a lot of my old habits.
I grew up in a very small town in Kentucky on a 174 acres farm surrounded by foothills, cattle, and Christianity. We were taught that it’s all in a day’s work and the Lord blesses those who work hard. But although this was what was said, I didn’t see the evidence. I delved into the Bible, looking for answers. My parents were working very hard, but there were times when there were no blessings – well, except being surrounded by a family that loved you. But as a teenager, that’s not much of a blessing, is it? And sometimes, it didn’t feel like a lot of love.
The more I questioned, the more I frustrated my mother, who was a believer of faith, not of knowing. She didn’t understand why I questioned so much. It’s just the way things were. My father, on the other hand, was always “getting closer to God out on the farm” than in the church building. Until the day, I said I wanted to experience getting closer to God out on the farm. They saw me as a rebel, never paying attention to anyone’s rules. I paid attention, I just tested them. I needed evidence.
College was a different world. I was on my own and it became very clear that everyone was out to protect themselves. I was never blessed with that special group of friends that took care of each other, allowing people to be their crazy selves, but still loving them. Instead, what I attracted to myself were those people that put others down to make themselves feel better. That didn’t care how they treated others as long as they were treated good. Maybe that was how I was treating others, maybe I just was too naïve to understand people.
Marriage was an even different world. At times, it was more like roommates with benefits than a relationship of love. When my daughter was born, I was filled with love for her and wanted to make sure she had everything. I finished my college education, but none of my jobs filled the emptiness I kept feeling inside.
She was grown when I decided to leave my marriage of 21 years and begin a new life with Kim. She supported me more than I could have ever dreamed. And walking into the world of LGBTQ+ opened my eyes to love and comradery like I had never experienced before. I felt accepted, loved, supported, and true. So, I opened myself back up to my spiritual path. This time through spiritualism, not religion.
We are so much more than the physical creation of our bodies. There is an energy that is constantly reaching out and touching others – good and bad. We are entangled with each other, connected beyond anything that we can really comprehend. Smile at someone, usually they smile back. Blessings in disguise. Help someone. Blessing. Listen to someone (really listen by being completely present.) Blessing. And when you bless others, they bless others, and it is a beautiful energetic wave of love spreading across the world.
As I embark in this journey, I have found that I want to surround myself with loving, high vibrational, spiritual people that see the world with hope and love. I welcome those open to sharing this world with the array of differences on this planet. Our world is such a beautiful, mysterious place. If we can just open our eyes to see it and share it and love through it.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done when we have so much negativity engrained in us from the beginning. I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m too fat, too thin, too mouthy, too quiet, too……… How do we break the cycle? How do we get out of the rut?
That’s the journey I’m on, opening a new door to a world of bright light, with showers when needed, but able to enjoy and appreciate the rain and not begrudge it. Closing the door on anger and confusion, not allowing it to be my guiding light. Sure, it may slip in from time to time, but it doesn’t have to be the main force in my life.
I’ve not always done the right thing, been the right kind of mother, the right kind of friend, even treated people bad at times. I’m not proud of that. I’m not dwelling on it either. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned lessons. I’m not here to preach to everyone else, but I’m opening myself up to you and saying I’m working on me. If you feel so inclined, join me on this journey. Share on our Facebook page how you’ve grown. The more we share our smiles, the more our smiles journey.
